


Bless His Little Velvet Shamrocks

by Vanessa_Cocotea



Category: Doctor Who: Eighth Doctor Adventures - Various Authors
Genre: Fanart, Fantasy, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-03-13
Packaged: 2018-01-15 14:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1307647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanessa_Cocotea/pseuds/Vanessa_Cocotea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From 2009:</p><p>Part three of my unintentional St. Patrick's Day trilogy...</p><p>Everyone is taking potshots at Eight, he can't control his wand, he's hallucinating and he really ought to seriously WATCH HIS LANGUAGE!...Poor Eighth Doctor, he just CAN'T catch a break...</p><p>And then there's all those "bixed miscuits"...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bless His Little Velvet Shamrocks

The Doctor was doing a bit of gardening in the fairy meadow for several reasons. Amongst them, Daylanda had been feeling a bit down of late and he was hoping to cheer her up. Also, he was working on a little St. Patrick's Day surprise - with the TARDIS's help, for the residents of his fairy meadow. Finally, he just enjoyed gardening.

Daylanda fluttered round, watching him, taking in his appearance. He was in his shirtsleeves, his braces just peeking out from the gardener's apron he had on. He had a cream-coloured cotton, bucket-shaped sun hat topping his curls. She had to admit he did look rather fetching. She analysed his work. Yes, he did seem to be putting the plants in according to her instructions, so that was all right. So why was she getting the feeling things were not as they seemed...

********

The Doctor paused a moment, looking at the seeds he had planted. Yes, the arrangement was definitely correct. And he knew enough of the fairies' language by now to know he'd got the wording right. Also, judging by Daylanda's reaction so far, the TARDIS had got the glamour right and none of the fairies - including Queen Airecelle, would know what greeting was written in the selection of flowers until it was revealed on St. Patrick's Day. He was ready for a break. As the TARDIS materialised some suitable refreshments for them both, he and Daylanda had a little chat.

Whilst the Doctor had been learning the fairies' language, so Daylanda - and Brinessia, Airecelle's other lady-in-waiting, had been learning the Doctor's. Daylanda would talk to the Doctor in his language and he to her in hers.

The Doctor lay on his back in the grass and Daylanda perched on a nearby rock. After a moment or two, the Doctor rolled onto his side to face her.

"So, my darling Daylanda, what's got you so down lately? It's not Chrinandor, is it? Or Hyanise? I hope he's not ill or anything." He looked at her with genuine concern.

"No, nothing like that, Doctor. Just little things piling up." She smiled a little ruefully at him.

"Well, I'm sure things will be better soon." He grinned rather knowingly at her. She frowned at him, puzzled. He continued, "Right now, how would you like a little 'instant gratification'?"

"Instant what?"

"Just a little bit of nonsense to bring that charming smile of yours back. I've got some excellent tongue twisters! Help you with your English." He grinned at her. Daylanda groaned.

"Doctor, I've heard some of your tongue twisters already. They are very strange."

"Oh, these are all new ones and they are quite hysterical. You'll love 'em." Daylanda gave him a look. He just ignored her and pressed on. "Try these."

"A quick witted cricket critic." She couldn't get past 'A quick witted' before getting frustrated and groaning.

"How about, 'I wish to wash my Irish wristwatch'?" She merely asked why anyone would wash a wristwatch. He tried again.

"Send toast to ten tense stout saints' ten tall tents." Her reaction was just a blank look.

"Come on, just give it another try. All right?" She sighed. "Oh, all right." He saddled her with a right one.

"I love this one. 'Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.  
Spread it thick, say it quick!  
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.  
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!  
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.  
Don't eat with your mouth full!'"

Daylanda gave him a look of absolute horror. "Aww, it's fun!" He grinned at her. She was starting to wish he wouldn't do that. His grins were getting scarier than the tongue twisters. "Well?"

She gave it a try - and got as far as, "Yellow butter, purpa jeddy" and finished up by putting her tiny hands to her face and making a very weird sound. The Doctor could have sworn he heard a slight giggle escape her. "Enough, Doctor! Please!"

"Oh, you can do it! I've loads more." He carried on, relentlessly. Daylanda considered flying off, but she decided she'd rather pay him back - with a vengeance. "This one's good."

"A box of biscuits,  
a box of mixed biscuits,  
and a biscuit mixer."

Daylanda glared at him. "Doctor, you've done that one before. You had me saying, 'Bixed miscuits' in front of Her Majesty every time I brought her tea - for three days! It was embarrassing!"

"Oh dear! Sorry! How about this one?"

"When a doctor doctors a doctor..." Daylanda immediately cried. "Heard it!"

"Oh. Right. Try this one, then." He was merciless and determined to get at least a smile out of her.

"Amidst the mists and coldest frosts..." Daylanda flew directly in front of him. "Are you nuts? No! Please. I know you're trying to help, but, please...NO MORE!"

"But I've saved the best two for last! Please?" He gave her his best high wattage smile. She gave out a strangled cry. "Oh, you! What are they?"

"Nifty fifties style diner counter." She sighed in exasperation. He smiled encouragingly at her. So, she started to say it, then stopped. "What's a 'diner counter'? And what is 'fifties'?"

"A 'diner counter' is a sort of table used in human public eating houses invented years ago. The 'fifties' were a period fifty-odd years ago in human history. Now, try it. Okay?"

"Nifty fisty style diner counner" She shook her head and tried again. "Nifty fiffy style diner counter."

"Almost. Try again!"

"Nifty fifties style diner counter!" She said in triumph, grinning.

"Perfect! Well done! Now say it three times in a row."

She smiled wickedly at him. "You do it first!"

Pleased that he'd at last got her to smile, and trying for an actual laugh, he looked at her and said, "Ahem! Now for the last one." She grinned. "You can't do it!"

"Teetotallers totally tout tea!" He watched her, grinning. Daylanda facepalmed. "Why did I know 'tea' would get into this at some point?"

"Try it."

She looked at him and said, "Teetotallers totally tout tea!"

"Three times, now."

"Teetotallers totally tout tea! Teesodallers todally tot tea. Deetol..." and she started to laugh.

The Doctor smiled and started to laugh himself. "You see, they did help! Good to see you laughing again, Daylanda!"

"Yes, Doctor, they did help. But I still have to sort out a whole spellbook's worth of messes. Not fun." She was serious again.

"Nevermind. As I said, I'm sure you'll be able to cheer up soon."

"Possibly, Doctor. Possibly." A little tinkling was heard. "Her Majesty calls." She smiled and flew off.

"See you soon." He started to collect his gardening supplies and return to the console room. As he reached for one of them, his knee pushed into the soft ground, leaving a rather deep impression and, unbeknownst to the Doctor, upsetting a few of his carefully planted seeds.

********

The Doctor gazed into the cheval mirror, appraising his choice of outfit for the St. Patrick's Day festivities in the fairy meadow. He hadn't entirely dispensed with his usual attire - just altered a few items in honour of the occasion. He still wore his green velvet frock coat and white linen wing-collared shirt, but in place of the grey silk cravat, he wore a green one. The waistcoat had been changed from his usual grey silk brocade one to one of gold silk brocade. His trousers had been traded in for a pair of green linen knickerbockers, paired with green and gold-striped long socks. He wore black shoes with bright square silver buckles on them. In a moment of pure whimsy, he'd chosen wide green braces decorated with pots of gold. He wore a traditional leprechaun style hat atop his chestnut curls and, as a final nod to the occasion, he'd put fake - albeit very realistic, leprechaun ears over his own ears. They just barely peeked out through his glorious mass of chestnut curls. He looked extraordinary. He nodded in approval and headed for the fairy meadow.

********

"HIDE!!" Chrinandor threw his hands up in a gesture of shock, then covered his eyes. "It's that blasted overgrown disgrace to leprechauns everywhere!"

"Hello, Chrinandor." The Doctor said mildly. Then, with a slight smirk, he added, "Hmm, I've never been greeted with an old worn-out joke before. Interesting." The look on Chrinandor's tiny face was priceless. Everyone who had arrived thus far, laughed.

"Well done, Doctor!" Queen Airecelle smiled. "You've managed to render Chrinandor speechless. You'll have to teach me how to do that. And welcome to our festival, Doctor! And, may I say, you look quite the part! A wonderful costume!"

"Thank you, Your Majesty!" He looked round. "Where's Daylanda?"

"She is still clearing up a few of her little bothers. She'll be here soon. I gather she has something special planned."

"Really? Sounds intriguing. I wonder wh..." He was interrupted by a horrifying scream. "What in the name of.." They all turned to see Daylanda with a look of absolute shock on her little face. She was flying backwards and, with a very shaky finger, pointing at the Doctor.

"Oh...My...HEAVENS! Doctor!" She waggled a tiny finger at him. "You're wearing SILVER shoe buckles with a green and GOLD costume?? Oh, the embarrassment!" Daylanda looked sternly at him and covered her face. The Doctor looked thoroughly puzzled. He couldn't tell if she was being serious - or if she was just teasing him. Even Queen Airecelle wasn't sure. Then Daylanda sighed dramatically.

"Oh well, you DO have a rather unique fashion sense. I suppose it can't be helped. Nectar?" She politely offered him some nectar in a fairy-sized tub. He wordlessly took it. Daylanda was definitely up to something...

********

The Doctor was amazed by the sheer variety of guests at the gathering. He'd spotted just about every sort of wee folk imaginable. He was having a very interesting discussion with a pair of unicorns - Whisper and her mate, Wonder, when he heard a funny sort of laughing behind him. He'd turned round to see several genuine leprechauns pointing at him and outright guffawing. He was afraid to ask. He gave them a look of puzzled enquiry.

One of them stopped laughing enough to say, "'tis the coat, laddie. 'tis the coat."

"Oh, and what, may I ask, is wrong with it?" The Doctor tried to look stern, but couldn't quite manage it. Everyone was taking potshots at his attire today, it seemed. Firstly, Daylanda went after his shoe buckles and now the leprechauns were on about his coat. He supposed he could see the funny side, but it was getting tiresome. At least, the unicorns hadn't said anything. "This coat is an old friend. It goes everywhere with me!" He gave it up and smiled. Unfortunately, that set the leprechauns off again and he couldn't get a word out of them as to why they found his frock coat so funny. He sighed.

Mercifully, he was rescued by Airecelle. She flew up to him and asked, "Up for a Rainbow Bubble Race, Doctor?"

"Now that sounds like fun. What is it, exactly?"

"A Rainbow Bubble Race is a competition where each contestant races a bubble along the path of his or her chosen colour of a rainbow. The winner is the one who gets the most unpopped bubbles to the end of his or her colour strip."

The Doctor was about to ask about rainbows being too far away, when he saw a Cheshire Cat leering at him over a nearby bush. "Hm, I see you even have the Cheshire Cat here. Incredible."

Airecelle looked puzzled. "Doctor, there aren't any Cheshire Cats in this fairy meadow, I assure you. Not that they'd be unwelcome, we just don't happen to have any."

"You're sure? Because I just saw him leering at me over the top of that gooseberry bush. He's gone now, of course, but I know I saw him." Now the Doctor looked puzzled. Airecelle would certainly know the inhabitants of her realm, but he was absolutely sure he'd seen the Cheshire Cat.

"Of course, I'm certain, Doctor." She gave him a look. "You weren't, by any chance, at the brandy or anything before you came, were you?" She grinned.

"Certainly not!" He sighed and smiled. "Now, as I was about to ask, before I was so strangely interrupted, aren't rainbows a bit too far away?"

Airecelle smiled. "Yes, they normally are. For this race, though, I create one with my wand. So, are you ready?" She held out a wand for him.

"Why not?" He grinned and took the wand.

********

The Doctor was terrible at Rainbow Bubble Racing. He seemed unable to control his wand. This was partly due to his seeing the Cheshire Cat again on several occasions and, also, he was just a dreadful racer. He kept accidentally sending his bubble out of its indigo path and into the paths of just about every other colour. Not to mention, he managed to pop a few of the other fairies' bubbles more than once - and his own almost constantly. Chrinandor got his revenge and deliberately popped the Doctor's bubbles a couple of times. The race had to be started over again a number of times to allow all the giggling to subside and to convince the Doctor not to quit! Finally, the race was completed and the Doctor managed to come in third! For his prize, Airecelle raised her wand and the next thing the Doctor knew, he was flying all round the fairy meadow! His flight lasted a good ten minutes. It was extraordinary and he hated to see it end.

"Thank you, Your Majesty! That was incredible!" He smiled, still not believing that he'd actually flown! He would never forget it.

"Not at all, Doctor! And, now, I believe - since it IS St. Patrick's Day, we should turn things over to the leprechauns."

For some time, the leprechauns kept everyone amused with their singing and some very silly - and slightly rude, stories. Then everyone cut loose with some highly exuberant dances taught by the leprechauns. The Doctor was doing quite well - until the Cheshire Cat loomed up right in front of him and he took a tumble. He had the most extraordinary look on his face.

"What is it, Doctor? You look positively flabbergasted!" Airecelle looked at him, genuinely concerned.

"The Cheshire Cat! He's right there in front of me! Surely, you can see him this time!"

"Doctor, there is no Cheshire Cat there. Doctor, I'm becoming very worried about you..." Airecelle started to say, when she heard a sort of funny sound behind her. They both turned to see Daylanda with a slight smirk on her face. Airecelle raised her eyebrows in question.

Daylanda just took out her own wand and, pointing it at the Doctor, murmured a spell. "There, that should do it." She said. "I think you've had enough now, Doctor."

"Enough what?" He was afraid to ask and he had an uncomfortable suspicion as to what she meant.

Daylanda confessed immediately that she had put a spell on the Doctor's nectar cup, causing him to hallucinate - and to see the Cheshire Cat so often. "I choose the Cheshire Cat because, in addition to your driving me insane with those horrid tongue-twisters, your grinning was driving me even more frantic. I thought of simply flying off, but getting revenge was much more satisfying and the Cheshire Cat was very apt. Honestly, Doctor, that grin of yours can be terrifying sometimes. I still think you're up to something."

The Doctor was speechless. When he finally found his voice, he simply smiled and said, "Touche, Daylanda. Touche!". He got up, then said, "But you are right. The TARDIS and I have been up to something." He walked over to the flower beds he'd been working on a few days previously.

He looked upwards and, with a dramatic gesture, proclaimed, "Now!" The fairies and all their guests stared in amazement at the newly revealed greeting the Doctor had written in the fairies' language of flowers. They all promptly laughed. Even Queen Airecelle found herself chuckling at what she read. Daylanda, however, burst into uncontrollable helpless laughter. She rolled on the ground, pointing at the greeting, and then at the Doctor.

The Doctor was totally unable to comprehend the fairies' reactions. He knew he'd got the wording right. He looked at Airecelle in sheer amazement. "Ah, may I ask what's so funny about wishing you all a "Happy St. Patrick's Day"?"

Queen Airecelle, still chuckling, replied, "Nothing, Doctor. It's just that, it doesn't say "Happy St. Patrick's Day"."

"Of course, it does. I checked most carefully."

"I'm sure you did, Doctor. But something must have happened, because what it actually says is - ah, how shall I put this? Doctor, you've just wished everyone a "Happy Shag Day" - only you haven't written the word "shag" there, if you take my meaning."

The Doctor's face was priceless. "You ARE joking, aren't you? It CAN'T say THAT, can it?" He was mortified and beet red with embarrassment. He looked to Airecelle hoping it wasn't true. Alas, she nodded. It was true. "Oh dear. I am so sorry. I know I checked thoroughly. I don't know what could have hap... Oh wait. It must have happened when I was reaching for my tools to go back to the console room the other day. My knees must have pressed into the ground harder than I thought and that probably upset things, giving a completely different meaning. Oh dear." He said again, then became thoughtful. "I wonder why the TARDIS didn't catch the mistake? Oh, by the way, the TARDIS sped up the flowers' growth so the greeting would be ready in time."

Airecelle smiled at him, "Yes, I reckoned something like that. And the TARDIS probably didn't catch your mistake because, although she's a semi-sentient lifeform with all manner of powers, Doctor, she still has only two hands, as it were. Even she can't catch everything, can she now?"

He nodded. "Yes, you're right, of course. Oh dear, this has been some St. Patrick's Day, hasn't it, Your Majesty?"

"Yes, it has. Nevermind, though. You wanted to cheer up Daylanda and you've certainly succeeded - beyond measure!" They both looked at Daylanda, who was STILL rolling on the ground in helpless laughter.

He sighed. "I've certainly done that, haven't I? Now, the question is, 'Will she ever stop?'" They both laughed. Daylanda's giggles were infectious.

"Maybe I should fix that greeting."

"No, actually, if you don't mind, Doctor, I think you should leave it - just as it is. It's a wonderful cheerer-upper and we all know you really meant to say, "Happy St. Patrick's Day"."

"As you wish, Your Majesty." He said, a bit sceptically. "Well, I should get back. All in all, it's been a memorable day. Thank you! "Happy St. Patrick's Day"!" He turned to go.

"It has indeed, Doctor. And "Happy St. Patrick's Day" to you too!" With a smile and a wave, Airecelle flew back to her subjects and guests.

The Doctor left for the console room, listening to Daylanda, who was STILL laughing herself silly.

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> The accompanying drawing I finally got done in 2011...
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://s99.photobucket.com/user/catherine_072/media/leprechaun_8.jpg.html)  
> 


End file.
